And that's kind of the same, isn't it?
For me it is. But not in the way most people expect.
You see, generally speaking, when people think of money and happiness, there are two main philosophies. The first is a blanket NO. Money can't buy happiness. End of story.
The second belief feels that money buys material items which in turn bring about happiness. For example, I can buy an iPhone and that makes me happy.
A few more enlightened people realise that spending money on experiences rather than objects brings about more happiness. For instance, a nice dinner at a restaurant makes me more happy than if I had used the same money to buy a branded handbag. This is because experiences create positive memories, which you can look back on and derive satisfaction from. In contrast, coveted objects do produce a burst of joy when first attained, but the effect is temporary and wears off quickly, leaving you to chase after the next coveted item on your wanted list. It's a vicious circle which sucks away huge amounts of money and energy with little reward.
But I find greatest happiness in spending my money on others. I'm not the only one too, because I remember reading some research articles back during my poly days that found this to be true. (It wasn't really my area of interest so there'll be no long-winded explanations here, unlike some of my previous posts where I elaborated on concepts like stereotypes and heuristics.)
My family has a very poor attitude towards gift-giving. If you've ever received a gift from us, I'm sorry to have to break this news to you but it was probably a re-gift. Basically, we got a present from someone else, stored it in a musty corner of the house for a few years, then palmed it off on you.
That is, of course, unless the gift is from me specifically. In that case, it's sincere. It is new and I bought it just for you. There are times when I give away things that I don't want for myself, but I always declare it up front. I will NEVER pass off a piece of old junk as a gift.
I believe in the "gift of giving". During the Christmas season last year, I wrote a Facebook post about it. I've reproduced the post verbatim below:
This
post will probably draw flak from many people, including the ones
closest to me. But I want to express my opinion on a hot-button topic of
the day: gifting.
Christmas is a wonderful time of the year indeed, when lights and decorations adorn the streets, cheerful carols serenade shoppers, and we look forward to catching up with friends and family. Unfortunately, it also comes with another "obligation" (note my use of double quotation marks) - gift-giving.
This is an issue which seems to divide people. Some loathe it and view it as a waste of money and time, and may resort to tactics such as regifting, which is recycling gifts they received earlier as gifts for others. Or they may even excuse themselves from gifting altogether. The two main justifications these people have are that: 1) Christmas should be about the relationships we share with our loved ones and not about material things, or 2) Christmas marks the (supposed) birth of Jesus and we should respect this original reason for the season instead of being influenced by the modern "commercialised" version of Christmas.
Others perceive Christmas a different way. They buy new items as presents, and distribute them without a hint of reluctance. Shopping for gifts is not seen as a chore... it might even be a delight. These people are by no means shopaholics or spendthrifts. They lavish generous amounts of money but only on items that they have considered very carefully and are reasonably confident that the recipient will like.
Of course, there is a third group of people. This small minority consists of the "misfits" who cannot be slotted nicely into the two groups above. An obvious example is those who run up a huge debt on presents at the end of every year, but the things they buy are completely random in nature. It is evident that no effort was put into choosing the gifts, and when the counter-parties open the wrappers, they are not excited by whatever they see.
I will not attempt an argumentative essay on the benefits and drawbacks of each approach, but my personal stand is that gifting is not the monster that some make it out to be. Have you heard of the "gift of giving"? It is defined in many ways, but I explain it as the joy you feel when you give someone something they really like, and see their faces light up. This is something truly special, and I love receiving this gift of giving. Which is why, whenever I can afford it, I buy things for other people. Friends, colleagues, close family members. Recently, my auntie gave me $50 in cash. I could have bought myself a lot of potato chips and Pepsi with that amount of money, but instead I spent all of it on presents for my close friends in the office. The excitement of going online, thinking about what each of them like and searching for the relevant products, the experience of going shopping for the presents, the anticipation of wrapping them and bringing them to work, the satisfaction of hearing the "I like this! It is so cute!" can all be encapsulated in that one short phrase: the gift of giving.
The great thing about the gift of giving is that once you start to see it this way, Christmas gifting stops becoming a compulsory ritual to be dreaded, and becomes a fun occasion to look forward to. But the gift of giving is a finicky creature. Certain conditions must be met before it will come out. For one, the gift must be sincere and given wholeheartedly. This means that if so much as an ounce of grudging is in your heart, the gift of giving will remain in hiding. Furthermore, some prior effort must have gone into the gift. This does not mean that you have to wrap the presents in an elaborate way. Rather, it refers to the thought processes you went through when selecting the gifts. Did you palm off this item onto the other person because it was there in your storeroom gathering dust, or will the person actually derive pleasure from the item?
What the gift of giving is not? It is not a replacement for relationships. In fact, it is a tool to show how much you care about the other person, thereby enhancing the bond between the two of you. It effectively communicates: "Look, I remembered you like Pokemon. Here, I went to a specialty store just to find you this rare Snorlax gold-plated wristwatch." Gifting should never be used to completely substitute for personal interaction. Indeed, remember that for the gift of giving to emerge, you have to be sure that the present will be liked. This means that you have to first get to know the person you are gifting to, to find out what he/she likes and dislikes. The gift of giving is also not a guise for unabashed and irresponsible spending. The numerical value of the present does not really matter. Buy something you can afford and the gift of giving will still appear - it is reasonable like that. In fact, if you empty your bank account doing Christmas shopping, how will you be able to enjoy the gift of giving? You will be too preoccupied worrying about next month's bills.
The gift of giving is one of the greatest feelings in the world to experience, not only during Christmas but also at birthdays, parties, spur-of-the-moment get-togethers, or even out of the blue to say "I was thinking of you." I hope that with my sharing, more people can get to know this warm, glowing sensation... The gift of giving!
In short, when you give someone a gift that you know will make them happy, you get back the same amount of happiness that they experience getting the actual gift. It's a win-win situation.
I don't have a lot of expendable cash. Because of my disability, I can't work part-time as a waiter or barista like my peers. The little cash I do get are themselves gifts from relatives or Chinese New Year red packets. My bank account has a healthy balance because it's locked away like CPF and I have no way to withdraw money from it. Probably for the best too, otherwise I would have single-digit sums in there due to excessive spending. I don't have the best self-control...
When I do manage to obtain cash, though, I typically make it disappear pretty damn quick by buying gifts. Oftentimes I use up the entire amount I have on hand, like the $50 I mentioned in the Facebook post. If I have a lot of money at once, I can buy more lavish gifts. If not, I'll buy cheaper alternatives. Obviously I also take into account the cost per recipient. The $50 I talked about had to buy gifts for four people, so I went shopping at NTUC FairPrice.
In the weeks bracketing the time of this post's publication I'll be burning another batch of my money. For a change, some of it will be on myself. There are a few things I need. But the destination of the rest?
You guessed it right.
Christmas is a wonderful time of the year indeed, when lights and decorations adorn the streets, cheerful carols serenade shoppers, and we look forward to catching up with friends and family. Unfortunately, it also comes with another "obligation" (note my use of double quotation marks) - gift-giving.
This is an issue which seems to divide people. Some loathe it and view it as a waste of money and time, and may resort to tactics such as regifting, which is recycling gifts they received earlier as gifts for others. Or they may even excuse themselves from gifting altogether. The two main justifications these people have are that: 1) Christmas should be about the relationships we share with our loved ones and not about material things, or 2) Christmas marks the (supposed) birth of Jesus and we should respect this original reason for the season instead of being influenced by the modern "commercialised" version of Christmas.
Others perceive Christmas a different way. They buy new items as presents, and distribute them without a hint of reluctance. Shopping for gifts is not seen as a chore... it might even be a delight. These people are by no means shopaholics or spendthrifts. They lavish generous amounts of money but only on items that they have considered very carefully and are reasonably confident that the recipient will like.
Of course, there is a third group of people. This small minority consists of the "misfits" who cannot be slotted nicely into the two groups above. An obvious example is those who run up a huge debt on presents at the end of every year, but the things they buy are completely random in nature. It is evident that no effort was put into choosing the gifts, and when the counter-parties open the wrappers, they are not excited by whatever they see.
I will not attempt an argumentative essay on the benefits and drawbacks of each approach, but my personal stand is that gifting is not the monster that some make it out to be. Have you heard of the "gift of giving"? It is defined in many ways, but I explain it as the joy you feel when you give someone something they really like, and see their faces light up. This is something truly special, and I love receiving this gift of giving. Which is why, whenever I can afford it, I buy things for other people. Friends, colleagues, close family members. Recently, my auntie gave me $50 in cash. I could have bought myself a lot of potato chips and Pepsi with that amount of money, but instead I spent all of it on presents for my close friends in the office. The excitement of going online, thinking about what each of them like and searching for the relevant products, the experience of going shopping for the presents, the anticipation of wrapping them and bringing them to work, the satisfaction of hearing the "I like this! It is so cute!" can all be encapsulated in that one short phrase: the gift of giving.
The great thing about the gift of giving is that once you start to see it this way, Christmas gifting stops becoming a compulsory ritual to be dreaded, and becomes a fun occasion to look forward to. But the gift of giving is a finicky creature. Certain conditions must be met before it will come out. For one, the gift must be sincere and given wholeheartedly. This means that if so much as an ounce of grudging is in your heart, the gift of giving will remain in hiding. Furthermore, some prior effort must have gone into the gift. This does not mean that you have to wrap the presents in an elaborate way. Rather, it refers to the thought processes you went through when selecting the gifts. Did you palm off this item onto the other person because it was there in your storeroom gathering dust, or will the person actually derive pleasure from the item?
What the gift of giving is not? It is not a replacement for relationships. In fact, it is a tool to show how much you care about the other person, thereby enhancing the bond between the two of you. It effectively communicates: "Look, I remembered you like Pokemon. Here, I went to a specialty store just to find you this rare Snorlax gold-plated wristwatch." Gifting should never be used to completely substitute for personal interaction. Indeed, remember that for the gift of giving to emerge, you have to be sure that the present will be liked. This means that you have to first get to know the person you are gifting to, to find out what he/she likes and dislikes. The gift of giving is also not a guise for unabashed and irresponsible spending. The numerical value of the present does not really matter. Buy something you can afford and the gift of giving will still appear - it is reasonable like that. In fact, if you empty your bank account doing Christmas shopping, how will you be able to enjoy the gift of giving? You will be too preoccupied worrying about next month's bills.
The gift of giving is one of the greatest feelings in the world to experience, not only during Christmas but also at birthdays, parties, spur-of-the-moment get-togethers, or even out of the blue to say "I was thinking of you." I hope that with my sharing, more people can get to know this warm, glowing sensation... The gift of giving!
In short, when you give someone a gift that you know will make them happy, you get back the same amount of happiness that they experience getting the actual gift. It's a win-win situation.
I don't have a lot of expendable cash. Because of my disability, I can't work part-time as a waiter or barista like my peers. The little cash I do get are themselves gifts from relatives or Chinese New Year red packets. My bank account has a healthy balance because it's locked away like CPF and I have no way to withdraw money from it. Probably for the best too, otherwise I would have single-digit sums in there due to excessive spending. I don't have the best self-control...
When I do manage to obtain cash, though, I typically make it disappear pretty damn quick by buying gifts. Oftentimes I use up the entire amount I have on hand, like the $50 I mentioned in the Facebook post. If I have a lot of money at once, I can buy more lavish gifts. If not, I'll buy cheaper alternatives. Obviously I also take into account the cost per recipient. The $50 I talked about had to buy gifts for four people, so I went shopping at NTUC FairPrice.
In the weeks bracketing the time of this post's publication I'll be burning another batch of my money. For a change, some of it will be on myself. There are a few things I need. But the destination of the rest?
You guessed it right.
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